In intimate relationships, our boundaries for privacy change. We are willing to share our vulnerability with our partners, choosing to let those closest to us know what we don't want others to know. All of this happens on a voluntary basis, so it will have a positive meaning.
When you secretly check your partner's phone without their consent, or force them to show you, you expose them to involuntary assault. Studies have shown that forcibly breaking through privacy will curb the spontaneity of your partner to open boundaries to you. The more such situations, the greater the probability that the other party will no longer want to open up with you.
Only when a person's private space is allowed to exist safely can they be willing to share it with others. Also, if he feels his privacy has been violated, he may "fit" your expectations, but what you see may not be the real him. For example, he might improve "counter-reconnaissance capabilities." Before you see the phone, the data has been cleaned up, and some chat records that you cannot see are deliberately deleted, so you will naturally not be able to see his true side. In this sense, it is the invasion of privacy that makes privacy a secret. When your partner is consciously keeping a secret, the real connection between you and him is really lost.
Modern philosophers have pointed out that privacy is important largely because it fosters human connection. The researchers recruited 108 volunteers and collected detailed descriptions of people's daily privacy experiences through open-ended questions and privacy-related questionnaires. The results made two important findings about the function of privacy. The first function is related to the sense of security after reaching a state of privacy, and many subjects said that when they experienced privacy, they "felt in control of the environment" and "felt safe".
During this period of experiencing privacy, privacy provides opportunities for people to regenerate their cognition, emotions, and body. They can calm down and think, adjust their emotions and release stress, and feel the "healing value" endowed by privacy. In this way, allowing people in an intimate relationship to experience a state of privacy makes them feel safe about the relationship. Only when people feel safe will they dare to share their feelings with their partners and show their true selves in the relationship.
In intimate relationships that lack privacy, people more often experience negative emotional experiences, such as distrust, anxiety, and tense suffocation, than intimacy. If a person doesn't have even brief moments of alone time, they won't feel comfortable and satisfied in the relationship, and the partner will only get a false sense of intimacy.
The answer is that we view candor and privacy in terms of the intimacy of the relationship. If the relationship is not too close, we suggest: first give up your boundaries, try to re-establish basic trust, and then talk about privacy. The decline in relationship intimacy may be related to a lack of trust. If at this time, you are still insisting on your privacy and not showing your phone to the other party, it will make you even less able to gain the trust of your partner and the emotional intimacy you want.
In situations like these, the choice we face isn't about having full or partial privacy, but how much we're willing to give up our privacy in exchange for a partner's trust and emotional intimacy. For example, if you originally refused to show your partner your mobile phone, and you take the initiative to ask the other party to check your social account, it does not mean that you have lost your privacy, but temporarily choose to let go of part of your privacy and let the other party assess the trust in the relationship. After you have established a basic level of trust, you can express your need for privacy honestly and concretely.
Respect each other's privacy more and focus on honesty rather than candor. A true intimacy is not two people becoming one, but always an intimacy between two individuals, each with their own unique personality, and maintaining that individuality requires a certain degree of privacy. When we pay more attention to our partner's sincere attitude, instead of asking each other based on our own expectations of frankness, our partner will also feel your thoughtfulness and empathy.
And respecting privacy is equivalent to telling the other party that you have seen the sincerity of the other party and believe that he has nothing to hide from you, so you can both have private space to do what you want to do, and you hope that the other party will continue to develop your interests and personality, Also value the relationship.
It can be seen from this that what is really important is behind the candor or privacy, those considerations for the other party and the common interests of both parties, and the considerations that can make your relationship closer.